Well, big fail on the catch-up, as the finale was this past week and we all know what happens. Keep coming back for my thoughts on the rest of the season and where you can find some of your favorite Bachelor outfits!
The episode starts with the arrival of Daniel, or as I like to call him, Lacey’s dream man. He doesn’t disappoint and continues to be just as overconfident and delightfully misogynistic as I remember him. Lacey pulls him away first to tell him that she is genuinely interested in him and he tells her that he is just left with the scraps of the women. Charming, right? He also talks to Jasmine and Christen but doesn’t seem to really hit it off with any of them. It seems that his rose will be a real surprise come rose ceremony time.
At the rose ceremony, they ‘who the heck knows’ roses are gotten out of the way first. Daniel gives his rose to Lacey and Jack Stone gives his to Christen. I guess that last minute make out session worked in her favor. Shockingly, Matt comes back to hand out his rose because he doesn’t want it to go to waste, and gives his rose to Jasmine. Jasmine accepts it, but not happily. She wants no part of anything he has to say. After the obvious roses from Robby, Derek, and Diggy, Adam has to give his rose to either Sarah or Raven, and he chooses Raven. The ultimate f*ckboy, Dean, gives his rose to Kristina. I really can’t with Dean, and the stupid things he says and the way he plays with both of their emotions. Sidebar, does anyone know a more PC term for f*ck boy – I try to leave profanity off the blog, but that really is what he is. Shockingly, the last rose comes from Ben Z. and goes to DLo – ensuring that the Dean/Kristina/DLo love triangle continues. I’m bummed to see my girl Alexis go, but hopefully, she can join Wells at the bar next season.
I can’t even begin to describe the weird and bizarre scene between Dean and Kristina shown after the rose ceremony, so if you’re interested you can get the gist here.
The next morning, a bunch of luchadors invade Paradise looking for Daniel. Lacey talks to Daniel, and he tells her that he isn’t going to automatically give the date card to her, that isn’t how Paradise works. He wants to talk to all the girls first, and he will check back in with Lacey later. Daniel seems to have his eyes on Kristina, but she pushes Lacey on him. Luckily for her (and us so we can stop listening to her complain), Daniel selects Lacey for the date.
If only you know he was about to steal your girl, Jack Stone.
We get the arrival of Dr. Ticklemonster. It really blows my mind that this man is known as a Ticklemonster and he is a physician. I think he’s great though, he’s down to laugh at himself, and knows how ridiculous it is. He is interested in Christen, and they have a pretty amusing conversation about tickling before he goes in for an awkward kiss. Dr. Ticklemonster asks Christen on the date and she accepts, much to the disappointment of Jack Stone.
Daniel and Lacey go on their luchador date, and they are tag team fighting with actual luchadors. I’m just disappointed that we didn’t get all the scenes of them learning and practicing this extremely choreographed fight. The highlight of this date: Jorge being in the audience.
The love triangle continues, with Dean still distancing himself from Kristina. He keeps giving her reassurance that he wants to explore things with her and then backing away from her again. The words Dean has used to describe Kristina include the most interesting person, smart, funny, sweet. For DLo, he uses interesting and so f*cking hot. Classy, Dean. He is in no way mature enough for a serious relationship and I can’t believe that I ever thought he might be the next Bachelor. Yes, they like a redemption arc (cough, cough Peter – I’m in denial) but, not after we watch him jerk around two women who don’t deserve it. Dean, grow up.
Christen and Dr. Ticklemonster go to dinner, flirt, talk, and play with weird little hands. That is the date. As soon as they get home from the date, Jack Stone steals her to try and solidify their relationship.
In love triangle land, Dean continues his f*ckboy antics and flirts with DLo right in front of Kristina. We had just seent Dean and Kristina spend the night together and now we’re seeing Dean and DLo make out in the pool in front of her. Be confused all you want Dean, but you don’t have to be disrespectful.
IF 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 MAN 👏🏻 CALLED 👏🏻 ME 👏🏻 LEFTOVER 👏🏻 SCRAPS 👏🏻 #BachelorInParadise https://t.co/YOCRfjEDnV—
BachShitCray (@Bach_ShitCray) August 30, 2017
Looks like @BachelorInterns are falling down on the job when it comes to the vacuuming. #BachelorInParadise https://t.co/HU7sZcX1Up—
Kristen Baldwin (@KristenGBaldwin) August 30, 2017
I'm literally talking to my unborn daughter giving her tips on how to avoid f word boys. Thank you Paradise for these teachable moments.—
Evan Bass (@ebassclinics) August 30, 2017
There were only two pieces that stood out to me this episode.
I really liked Christen’s bell sleeved crop top, which I imagine you could tie a few different ways. It’s cute and perfect for the beach. The top is 12th Tribe and can be found here!
This jumpsuit Kristina wore is amazing. If I was ever to buy a jumpsuit, it would be this one (PSA: I tried one on once and decided my memoirs should be titled “Why Did Anyone Let Me Do That: Trying on Jumpsuits, Washing My Feet with Shampoo, and Other Adventures”. The shampoo story is a long one). I can not find this jumpsuit to save my life. This one, from Faithfull the Brand, has a similar vibe and may be the same brand. Kristina has worn their clothes on the show before, but I just wasn’t able to find this exact one. UGH!
I’m still planning on finishing recapping the season. Since everyone knows what happens, let me know if there is anything you’d like to hear my take on! You can always find me @third_and_girl on Twitter.